Blog post: Why I became a relationship therapist
When I was around 9 years of age, my father took me to hear a talk by a motivational speaker one summer’s evening. The talk was held in our local country community hall. My father is an old-school engineer so for him to attend a motivational speaker talk, was (and still is) unusual in itself.
It was even more unusual that he'd take me out late at night to do something so out of the ordinary. It was exciting to be out with my dad at a special talk late at night. I asked my father earlier this year if he remembers that night, but he doesn't, so I guess I will never know who that speaker was!
I only remember one thing the speaker said that night, and it stayed with me as nothing else has.
He told a story about romantic attraction. He told the story of two people at the same party who lock eyes on one another and gravitate to one another, for inexplicable reasons. It then later transpires in the couple's story that the attraction is that they remind one another of their parent or parents. Our bodies communicate our entire life story to folks who command our attraction, and if their story mimics or resonates with ours in some way that causes a dovetailing effect. We also become enraptured by the story that their body tells to our own story.
In other words, we are not in control of our attractions, so the best thing we can do is understand ourselves and how our autopilot is programmed.
I found this idea about attraction incredibly profound, and compelling - even if I did not understand it as a nine-year-old!
A lot of other things have happened in my life since that night out with my father at our local country community hall, to lead me into working with relationships. But I believe my fascination with relationships began that night.
I didn't become a relationship therapist because I was excellent at relationships.
I became a relationship therapist because I sucked at relationships.
I was intelligent, educated, successful, and confident - so how could it be that I continued to make such costly mistakes with my relationships?
I wanted to know why we are attracted to some people, and not others. I wanted to know why we repeat the same mistakes in relationships. I wanted to know why breakups feel so horrible. I wanted to know why some couples have passionate marriages, and others stay together despite being miserable. I wanted to know why some people choose to be single. I wanted to understand romantic love and attraction more than anything in the world, and so I trained as a relationship coach and therapist with two of the world’s top relationship experts, Esther Perel and Terry Real.
I am different from mainstream therapists in New Zealand in 8 key ways
1) I am the only therapist in New Zealand trained by Esther Perel and Terry Real
2) I am part of the 3% of practitioners in Australasia who use Feedback-Informed Treatment, giving clients far more control over their coaching/therapy experience and saving them time and money
3) I offer a 100% Money Back Guarantee
4) I offer a completely online experience allowing for total flexibility - you can still see me in person if you prefer
5) I am the only therapist in New Zealand who provides Dating Profile packages and coaching
6) I am the only therapist in New Zealand who works with organisations to improve organisational culture by using Relational Intelligence methods
7) I offer free initial consultations for folks looking for psychotherapy - because trust is everything
8) My clients can choose their preferred method of service delivery such as instant messenger, email, phone, or video.